In the middle of the game came a voice “Can I play too?” the
voice was followed by a slightly dented figure of a boy who couldn't even stand
straight. “Aah, such a poor soul he is. He should definitely play with us.” came
a righteous voice from within. But at the same instant came another and more
empowered voice from within, this time my lips were moving. “How can you? Have
you even seen yourself? Even if we make you the umpire you will end up
disturbing the bowler.” My friends gave me a look of shock and shame. The poor
boy meekly smiled at me, gave a sideways look towards the bat he so dearly
wanted to hold, and started walking away from us.
“What had just happened? I could have never said those
words, no...not possible” I thought to myself. But yet I did; I did say those
words. I was in denial. An instant excuse was needed to be found to feel better
of myself.
“Don’t worry, world is full of bullies, you just helped the
guy by not being gentle towards him. You are simply preparing him for the cruel
world.” I consoled myself.
Yes, this excuse seemed genuine and like a good defense. It
could definitely stand the trial in the court of my conscience. I felt slightly
better. Alas, the very next moment I was filled with anger and shame. The
defense had failed me; it didn't work.
My friends continued with their look of disdain. They kept
staring towards me as a crowd stares towards a drunkard who was beating his own
family. I repulsed them. I tried to put my failed defense across to my friends
hoping for a different output. I tried sounding like a mahatma who had just prepared a pure heart for this impure world.
One of my friends came and gave me a big jolt. “Yes, you are
right, yes the world will be mean to him, cruel at every possible step but you,
my friend, just lost that one chance of being different, proving that you are
better than this cruel world. There still will be many people who would be
respectful and accepting of that soul, but how will you accept yourself if you
continue to be like this? This world has enough evil; don’t add one more to the
list. Be different, be better”
“Oh, don’t patronize me” I blurted as I pushed him away and
walked off the field in anger. Anger towards my words and my actions. In my effort of being realistic I had forgotten the most real of human emotions, “respect”. I
wasn't judgmental of that boy, I was simply disrespectful. That day I was
confused between the realism of the world and my own reality.
“Never again shall the world would influence my actions” I
decided. “Never again!”
P.S : : As it turned out, I was actually judgmental of this
world. The boy is currently working in a big corporate as a kick ass coder.
