In the heart of the crowd, my existence was lost. They never
cared for me or my existence, but I still had to smile and make them feel like
they mattered. My oblivion was limited to their minds, for they could see me and
my smile. With teary eyes I kept on staring at them, but they never looked
twice. All that they wanted to see was my smile, not the sorrow in my eyes. I
had put myself out there yet my pains were away from their glare. I didn't
matter to them, as long as they mattered; well at least they thought they
mattered.
But deep down they knew they didn't. My gloom was deep in
slumber, so was theirs. They accepted it, at least to themselves, if not to the
world. They were as much in pain as was I. But somehow I could see their eyes;
my stare was focusing on their souls and not on their fake exteriors, but why?
Why were they a factor in my consideration when I wasn't in theirs’?
Why weren't their hollow eyes an excuse for me to keep
smiling? Instead I was drawn into them, their eyes. Instead of their emptiness,
I saw a window, a path to their souls. But did I really want to take this path
less traveled? My teary eyes wanted a partner, but so did my smile. My
happiness, my sadness and me, none of us wanted to be alone in this crowd of
unknown faces. Yes they were unknown, they are unknown and that is how I would
like them to be. Their
false impersonation of someone they wanted to be was good enough for me. Just like
my smile was enough for theirs.
I had seen people change in a moment’s notice. I know for sure that
images can be shattered in seconds. So no, I didn't want to know who they
really were. Like everything around, they would change and then all that my
eyes would be left with will be their false image and more tears. I won’t blame
them. Life is too cruel and at times, we do things which change us, change us
from within. No, the smile remains, and so does the tears, but the reasons
change.
I have long lost the battle of trying to know who they really were,
that’s the reason for my smiles today. I don’t judge them, not anymore. I meet
them, I smile at them and then I continue on my path of oblivion. The moment,
when our eyes meet, my pains find a silent companion. My tears have learned to stay
happy forever with just a moment’s joy. And that’s all that matters to me.
