A drunken memory…

Since t few days, I was feeling very low. With every passing day, I was just going with the flow. But by yesterday night, I had had enough of this harsh side. I didn’t know what the problem was, but I still tried to figure it out. Sitting alone in the balcony, my eyes were not filled with tears, but agony.

I don’t know why but I picked up the phone. Guess I needed a friend, I just couldn’t be alone. It had been four months since we last talked. I was low, but excitement, I couldn’t withhold. I blurted immediately that I was missing him, how would have I known that he was officially dim? He did tell me that he was down four shots. Anyways, I just carried on with my thoughts. I reiterated, told him that I was feeling very lonely. He told me to shout, thought I was speaking really slowly. I told him “I will talk later, I am not feeling good tonight.” He told me to wait, did some changes, and started listening with all his might. “Hello…hello!!!” as I said, I became really unsure. But at that moment I couldn’t be alone, I really needed a cure. “Yeah, tell me.” He asked. I was blank but still started to talk. I told him I am confused, I am lost. He took a large burp, said that I sound as if I had a bad break up. I was startled, I was shocked. I told him I had nothing more to talk. He continued anyways. He said ”dude, it’s just one of your off days.”

Probably he was right. As I tried to convey this, something happened on his side. I don’t know what it was, I didn’t care. But, next I heard, my friend had already started to share. He went down the memory lane, he was sounding really inane. “I used to have so many off days, I still do. But whatever the conditions were, I always had you.” That first line filled me with emotions. I told him to stop, but he didn’t listen. “I remember each and every moment together, specially the days we were scolded badly by others.” A little bit, I chuckled. But to make sense of what he was saying, I really struggled. He asked “Remember the day when we were thrown out of school?” how could I ever forget that? We were such a fool. “I obvious…” I tried to say, but he was way ahead of me yesterday.

“Do you remember when I was riding your cycle, and you were sitting behind? As we were approaching the dead end, speeding was only on my mind. I thought I would break easily. Alas, you never told me that the breaks were not working, you silly!” he said. I was laughing out my brains, as I remembered that experience ending in the drains. I was not over with this one, as he reminded me of another stupid act, which together we had done.

“And the one, when on “Dio”, we were speeding, I saw back and saw that a traffic police was following. You asked me who it was, and I said some brat wanted to race with us? You started speeding showing him the finger, but later realized when we were stopped at the very next signal.” He continued. It was hilarious, that memory was the stupidest one we had, that traffic police wanted to hit us real bad. Thankfully, good amount of money my friend had, he was a little drunk, I later realized.

A couple of more unstoppable incidents he remembered, as I realized how my mood had transfigured. After around half an hour we hung up the phone, within seconds I heard a sms alert tone.

“We forgot to discuss the day when in physics we flunked!” he had smsed, “will discuss it when you are not drunk!” I simply replied.

The morning sky…

Rising before the sun, was an experience I had long forgotten. A dearth of commitment, a sleepless night did wonders for me as I rose today and embraced the dawn. A minute before dawn is the darkest time of the day, that’s what they say. So in the darkest of times, the light is just a minute away. Well, that’s precisely what I learned today. As I got ready to hit the road, a small yawning from my friend almost killed the day. But yesterday’s dearth of commitment really helped my dedication, as I accepted at last, the dawn’s invitation.

I started my walk down the lane; the silence as always was golden. As the dawn slowly approached, song of all the birds filled my empty soul. For couple of minutes, I stared down the unknown road. It’s amazing how at horizon, the earth touches the sky. It made me realize that in long run, anything is possible if we really try. I started to run, to jog. Amidst a little fog I saw an old couple, passed a middle aged woman, smiled at a cat, hushed a barking dog, laughed at a snoring cow and finally I stopped as  I saw a five year old boy going for work.

Carrying a heavy load on his head the boy was still smiling, for he was leaving the miseries of his home behind. In return for a whole day’s work, which he wouldn’t mind. I stopped. My heart sank. A little hope in the boy’s eyes, left me blank. A leisure walk for me, a morning chorus for him. I couldn’t run, I didn’t jog. I simply followed the boy in the fading fog. There was a little excitement in his walk, I was confused and so I stopped. I realized that I was not to play any part in his life, but just take my lesson and carry on with mine. I remembered as a child I was fearless, not ready to give up on anything easily. As a child I laughed, even in the situations, the mature people are enthralled. I wished I could be as enthusiastic as a child, love every second, live every moment raw and wild.

I started my walk back towards my flat. I felt exhausted physically but mentally fresh. As I saw the sun just above horizon, I realized that time had flown by. A group of birds flew free in the sky. It’s my life, it’s my way. Well, that’s what they say. But is it really? We are scared to make a new path. We are excited no more in exploring the hidden clues. Even the sky, it just looks blue. All these questions loomed as I saluted the morning sky.

The war within…

One day as I was walking alone, I met a cynic besides the road. A little angry he was, but still responded to my greetings. As we chatted and discussed, he told me something I never thought:

The nature is not beautiful,

It is our inability to see the pain that makes it beautiful.

No one wants to live,

It is the thought of dying that makes us breathe.

Friendship is not required,

It is the feeling of being left alone that makes us friendly.

No one wants to be in love,

It is our desire of being loved that makes us seek love.

No one believes in god,

It is our inability to find our own paths that makes us theist.

I was puzzled. First I thought what a poor soul he was, but then, my inability to correct him made me think about who am I? A cynic, an optimist or a realist?

With these thoughts in my mind I proceeded further down that road. Sometime later, I met an optimist. A cup of joy he was, smiling at every passerby, and his smile indeed was contagious. Looking at my discomfort, he came to me and asked me the cause of my worry. I reiterated the whole incident I had with that cynic. He told me something I never realized:

The nature is obviously beautiful,

But it is our ability to smile that hides the pain within.

Yes, everyone wants to live,

But it is our perception of death that makes us value every breath.

Friendship of course is a necessity,

But it is our desire to share that makes it special.

Everyone always wants to fell in love,

But the thought that someone would be there to catch us when we fall, makes it desirable.

God, I don’t know what god is,

But if it is our imagination, then it is the best imagination by mankind.

As I left that optimist behind, I was smiling for sure. But my smile did not project my thoughts. I was feeling better, but still the question loomed, “who am I?”

As further ahead I went, I met someone with a smile on his face but surely, his eyes were sad. I greeted him as I did to the cynic and the optimist. But he returned my smile with a hug. He must have seen the doubt in my eyes. He was someone I could relate to. I told him, I am a realist like you.

In return he said something I had always experienced:

A child is born an optimist,

At some point, we all grow into a realist,

In the end, a cynic might not win,

But it all depends on the war within.

Life as I know it...

Virtual, my world might seem,

But, I? I am as real as it can get.

Beautiful, my world might seem,

But, too beautiful? There is nothing like that yet.

Dream, my life might feel,

So I will make of it, what I want.

Destined, the failures might feel,

But anger will not be what I vent.

For me, morning will bring hope,

But sometime further, the sun will set.

I will capture that light within,

So at night, I will glow as the brightest.